What would you do if you could eliminate every single problem you have right now from your life? How much would you pay for such a thing? What would you do even with yourself when it happened?!

The truth is, “problems” don’t really exist. They’re made up. Fiction. Don’t believe me? Well then, describe what a Problem looks like. Not a specific example, but an actual problem. What are the particular dimensions of this mythical Problem? 2×2? 2×4? Is it red? Blue? Maybe a nice shade of purple? What.. problems don’t have any of these properties? But I thought they were real.

The Core Delusion

They certainly do seem to exist, but to be completely honest I have never in my life been walking down the street and suddenly, coming upon a Problem, exclaimed “oh my! Look, it’s the mythical Problem everyone’s been talking about!”

But for whatever reason, even though I’d never before encountered a Problem, I somehow still thought I had them. And I thought I was a logical, reasonable human being! The truth is, people think they have all sorts of things. One of the things people think they have happens to be problems. But it doesn’t make it true.

A problem is created whenever something “out there” does something to you, and you resist it internally. You then get angry, upset, depressed, or whichever habitual reaction you like to play out, and it’s all aimed at that crummy person or situation that keeps doing mean things to you.

I’ve done this many times. In fact, my life used to consist of getting from one problem to the next. I found that when I viewed reality from the perspective of having problems, I was able to find an infinite number of things wrong with me, others, and the world. Everything was a situation that had to be dealt with. Basically, everything sucked.

Luckily I finally learned that it isn’t the external world that’s at fault. Sure, people may be rude and bad things may happen, but there really isn’t a whole lot anyone can do about it, at least right away. However, the one thing we all have control over is ourselves. This is one of the most important realizations anyone could ever have.

This Insanity Has No End

Let’s say you’re driving to work one morning when some inconsiderate moron cuts you off and you have to slam on your brakes. What do you do? Depending on your level of consciousness and habitual response patterns, your behavior may include some or all of the following:

• Honking the horn
• Tailgating
• Flipping the other driver off
• Pulling up beside them and yelling
• Getting in front of them in an attempt to get them to pull over and confront them
• Following them for 27 miles
• Spreading more negativity by telling everyone what happened at work
• Repeating this pattern until a heart attack and/or stroke is imminent

You might then think about how that driver had no right to cut you off and how stupid and idiotic he must be. You may even then generalize about People and how they’re Irresponsible and how they never treat you fairly and how life is so very unfair and things never change because this one time when you were 8 years old your kid sister cut you and your scooter off with her Barbie Jeep and how everything would be OK if only the external conditions X, Y, and Z were different. How melodramatic!

Of course, the above seems pretty silly when read in a calm state of mind, but when you’re in the moment it can be a different beast entirely. So why do we as people get so upset about this stuff?

Reason Behind the Madness

Part of the problem is ingrained into our very psyches by our culture. Typically Westerners will attribute the behavior of someone to their personality or some other inner condition and ignore any external events. ( Fun Fact: Easterners typically do the opposite.) Psychologists call this tendency attribution bias.

Another part of the problem arises out of the ego that most of us carry around, ugly and insecure. “I have as much right to be on this road as that idiot does!” “He should just leave home earlier, after all that’s what I do!” Most people have an unshakable need to be right, and when you add that to an autopilot train of thought that automatically assumes the other person is to blame, it’s not surprising that a Problem such as road rage so often leads to violence.

It’s possible that if that guy didn’t make it to work in time he could have been fired, perhaps leaving his family out on the street, and imagining scenarios such as this can probably reduce stress to a certain extent, but let’s go one step farther.

Completely Stop Blaming Other People

Instead of considering that maybe there are certain reasons that could justify why someone is treating me unfairly, I like to completely disregard any reasoning behind the person’s actions. It just doesn’t matter.

Of course, some pain and suffering is real. But the vast majority consists of little insignificant things that are bloated into big huge dramatic stories. And we do this to ourselves. A better way to deal with the driver cutting you off (which symbolizes every problem) is to think rationally. Is there something that needs to be done about this situation that will make it better? No? Then drop it.

This doesn’t mean that you have to become a willy nilly pansy and passively accept what anyone wants to do to you. Quite the opposite actually. True strength comes from mastering yourself.

Accept everything that happens, then take action if necessary.

I’m going to say that one more time because it’s really important. Accept everything that happens, then take action if necessary.

Then and only then can you make an intelligent decision about what needs to be done, and no, tailgating someone while honking isn’t particularly intelligent.

The next time you get angry about something that you can’t change, try asking yourself what good it’s doing for you to be so mad. I can tell you it isn’t good for your immune or cardiovascular systems, and your autonomic nervous system probably has a thing or two to say about it too.  If you can help the situation by taking action, do it. Otherwise, drop it.

Our Problems are always created in our inner world. With no exception. By learning to say “no” to problems and mastering our own emotions we can maintain inner peace and sanity in an often insane world.

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