I had an “interesting” interaction with a cop the other night in a small town. Unfortunately for me, small town cops seem to be taken from the same lot of people that swear by Nascar and monster truck racing. It wasn’t enjoyable, but I did realize a lot about how authority works, and about how far I can really go in controlling my own reactions to what’s going on around me.

I also realized that I may be rare in that I literally couldn’t give two shits (or even one!) about someone’s job title or what they think it means. Of course, that didn’t stop him from believing in it fully.

Before I get too much into that, I’m going to preface this with a little story about me.

Do You Live in Your World or Theirs?

I lived my entire life of 22 years about five miles outside of a very small town in the countryside. To make that point more clear, if I look outside my window and across the street right now, I can see a bunch of cows on a 50+ acre farm. I do live by a few people, but they’re relatively non-intrusive. Obviously, I go to local cities, hang out with friends, party on occasion, etc., but I always have this amazing place to come back to when I need some rejuvenation.

It’s like little Mary’s secret garden in Frances Hodgson Burnett’s classic book, The Secret Garden. It’s lovely.

So what’s the point? Basically, I get to create my own reality without a lot of disruption, especially since I quit my job to take care of my mom. I get full say in who comes in and out of my reality. I don’t have loud neighbors, grumpy co-workers, or any of that mess. Of course, not all things from “out there” are bad. It’s all about developing your mind and life situation such that you can decide what you want, and what you don’t. Unfortunately, many people never learn to question what’s around them.

Growing up as children, we’re exposed to the culture around us, and the rules associated with it. Don’t eat with your hands, use a fork. People that are bigger than you know more than you. Smile when you meet strangers, they will like you more. Those were just a few of the social norms I was exposed to. Some made sense and others didn’t, but being a kid, I took all of these things in without question.

But I eventually reached an age where that stopped, often referred to as the rebellious teenage years. I learned new “rules,” and what they meant, but I didn’t necessarily agree with them. I understood what people expected of me, but I didn’t necessarily care. In fact, I probably took this “rebellious” behavior to an extreme. I loved going against the grain. I thought I was super cool if I did something that other people didn’t do, especially if they didn’t like it. And honestly, Iprobably still have some residual traces left over from that one. Doh!

But you know what, I matured. I surpassed unconscious acceptance of society’s do’s and dont’s long ago. And I eventually (mostly) surpassed unconscious rebellion of society’s rules as well.

In short, I look around with great interest and find out what is acceptable to most, and what isn’t. And then, I apply that information to my value system, and my character. If it meshes, then I keep it. If not, I reject it, and I don’t feel bad about it one bit.

I also seek out people who see things like I do. As I go around creating this reality-within-a-reality – this “subculture” of mine – I sometimes forget that the majority of folks out there see things a little differently than me and people like me. They don’t say it outright, but you can tell by how they behave. They say the same things as you, but it’s like they’re running on the default “American Citizen 2.0” software that the media’s been programming into them since the day they were born. They haven’t even tried any new plugins.

This realization hit me rather abruptly with a short-but-insightful encounter with a policeman.

The “Authority” of a Policeman

I was hanging out in the local park of my small town, well past midnight. Well, I call it a park, but it’s actually just a set of swings, a slide, and some very dangerous looking seesaws.

Nevertheless, I was hanging out, minding my own business, relaxing with a friend. Eventually we decide to go back to a nearby parking lot where she left her car. As I’m driving along, I notice a police car sitting on the side of the road, but I don’t pay much attention to it. I pull in the parking lot and suddenly we see red and blue lights. We were annoyed, because we hadn’t done anything wrong, and this guy was obviously bored. Concidentally, as we found out later, he was running “Small Town Cop 2.5″, where driving around after sunset is automatically labeled suspicious behavior.

And so, he approaches my car, and with an unattractive growl of a voice, asks for our licenses. We give them to him, still wondering exactly what was going on. My annoyance has turned into frustration at this point. Unfortunately, the latest version of Fred 4.11 still doesn’t have an appropriate mechanism to deal with fools with agendas wasting his time. Hey, I’m working on it!

Then something odd happened.

The cop growled at me to get out of my car. “Hmm, that’s pretty odd. Neither of us have ever been in trouble. I wasn’t driving dangerously, or giving any signs that I was intoxicated. What could he possibly want?” I thought.

As soon as I saw him, his intent became clear. He wanted to play monkey games with me. How fun.

Monkey Games, Monkey Games..

And what monkey game did he want to play with me? The insecure male’s favorite monkey game, of course: the domination game! Fortunately for me, I’ve recently rewrote my anger response to a more appropriate amusement response, so I felt good about the situation.

“Come here.” he barked. As he looked down on me from his slightly upturned head, cocked to the side just enough to suggest both aggression and disinterest in me as a human being (comes stock with all versions of Shitty Cop 1.0, by the way), I felt an odd mix of latent primal aggression, amusement at his monkey games, and an extremely unusual affinity for him. It’s like he was playing a movie character in an 80′s cop flick.

“Billy Badass, the new guy on the force.” “Look, he’s at it again!” How endearing.

And so, he asked me a series of questions. Keep in mind that I am not an idiot, so I am putting my thoughts in italics, not my responses!

“Do you know I saw you at the park?” No, you should have come play! “Did you know it’s closed after dark? I forgot about that faulty programming you guys come equipped with. You seem to think the availability of a location is correlated with the position of the sun in the sky. Surely someone’s noticed that bug.. “Listen, I don’t like having to do this shit..” Yeah, your job sucks, dude. “And if I wasn’t new and didn’t know the ordinance, I’d write you a ticket.” You know what they say, one man’s incompetence is another man’s treasure. Wait.. “..so I’m letting you off with a warning. Don’t come back.” Ha! My yard is a better park than your park anyway!

What He Was Actually Saying

Okay, so I actually didn’t say anything snarky. I’m no fool. I kept my voice level, and calm. I did almost crack a smile a few times, but I stifled it before he noticed. It really wasn’t what he said that made me curious, but what he unconscious assumed. Here’s a list of some of those things.

• My job gives me authority over you.
• My status is higher than yours.
• You should defer to me.
• People defer to me enough that I’m used to it, and assume everyone will.
• You are going to take me seriously or be in big trouble, mister.
• You are wasting my time by me stopping you. (irony!)
• You should feel bad for what you’ve done.
• Being aggressive is the best way to assure compliance with non-threatening people.

The shocking part for me was that his behavior indicated that people really bought into the whole mess.

You Decide Who Has Authority, No One Else!

Okay, so I’m not an idiot. I played along with him to an extent. I didn’t call him a miserable asshat like I wanted to. I was simply calm and formal. But it fascinated me how well this gig must work.

And I get it, too. There are implicit rules in every culture. One of the rules in America is that people who have the job position cop can enforce predetermined rules called laws. Duh, Beavis.

I’m not whining about what is, either. There’s not a whole lot I can do to change an entire system like this. And besides, laws are there for legitimate reasons. They keep the unrestrained, undisciplined, and unconscious in line until (hopefully) they develop those faculties for themselves. That’s okay, too.

What I’m suggesting here is that you don’t ever let a system that is set up for the lowest common denominator into your reality. For example, if I had left the interaction thinking, “God, I’m so dumb. I shouldn’t be at a park at night.” Then I would have let it get to me, and defeat me.

But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t learn either. If I kept going back to that park at night, then sure – I’d be a little rebellious – but mostly stupid. If I do ever go back that late, I’ll be much more sneaky. As long as the emotional “oh no I’m doing something bad that isn’t actually bad, tee hee!” vibe outweighs the price of a ticket, then I’m golden. Do you see what I’m doing here?

I’m suggesting that you should react to the world around you with a sense of integrity, alignment with your values and no one elses, and above all, playfulness!

Change Yourself, Not Them

You can’t change everything. The world’s rules will never fit you precisely. The only thing you can control is yourself. By paying attention and reacting dynamically to what’s going on around you, you can find amusement and satisfaction even when you feel that you’re being treated unfairly.

Rather than agreeing that “parks at night are bad mmkay!” or whining that “golly gee, some laws are so unfair!” you can twist the events that occur to you into something fun and playful. Maybe you will go back to that park. Hell, maybe you’ll get caught and you’ll have an awesome story. Maybe you’ll run away from the policemen of the world (do so at your own risk) and have a REALLY interesting story.

The point is, the only thing you have control over is yourself. Don’t accept unacceptable behavior, but don’t whine about it either. Use negative situations to temper your avatar on this world into a god-like being full of patience, love, and beauty. Don’t accept anything less.

In essence, this is a post about proactivity. I hope it was amusing enough that you didn’t realize you were learning something until now.

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